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Junk Mileage USports Indoor Track Predictions With Stone Cold Steve Jones

Posted 1 month ago

Stone Cold Steve Jones is neither the former professional wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin, or Welsh runner Steve Jones. Truth be told, we don’t really know who SCSJ really is, but we do know that he loves running (especially the longer stuff), the “Texas Rattlesnake,” and he has threatened to “STOMP A NEW MUD HOLE” into us if we didn’t ask for his opinion on the upcoming USports Championship meet this week. So, this is that.

Junk Mileage:So, Ste-

Stone Cold Steve Jones: NOW LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. UNDERSTAND THIS, SON: YOU’VE GOT YOUR FANCY TRACKIE.CA COLUMN AND YOUR FANCY PODCASTS, BUT STONE COLD STILL TAKES CRAP FROM NO ONE. ONE FALSE MOVE, AND YOU CAN KISS THIS INTERVIEW GOODBYE...AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE.

JM: Understood. The USports Indoor Track and Field Champs are this week…

SCSJ: IF YOU’RE READY FOR THE “USPORTS TRACK SMACKDOWN”, GIVE ME A HECK YEAH!

JM: ummm...

SCSJ: WELL?

JM:Heck yeah…

SCSJ: THAT’S BETTER.

JM: Right...So if I understand correctly, you’re big into the longer distances, specifically the 1000, the 1500 and the 3000. So let’s start with the longest of those distances, the 3000...how do you see that playing out?

SCSJ: THESE WILL BE THE RACES THAT STONE COLD LOOKS MOST FORWARD TO! I’LL HAVE MY PRE-RACE BEER.

Crowd: What?

MY MARS BARS.

Crowd: What?

MY RACE BEER

Crowd: What?

MY POST-RACE BEER.

Crowd: What?

AND I’M GOING TO SIT DOWN AND WATCH THE HECK OUT OF THOSE RACES. HERE’S HOW STONE COLD SEES THEM PLAYING OUT:

MEN

3. DECLAN “THE DREAM” WHITE- THE KID IS GOING IN WITH THE SECOND FASTEST SEED TIME, AND THERE’S NO DOUBT THAT HE CAN THROWDOWN IN A RACE LIKE THIS. IF THE RACE IS A BURNER FROM THE START, HE COULD TAKE HOME THE BELT, IF THE RACE IS SLOWER, THEN I WOULD STILL EXPECT TO SEE HIM ON THE PODIUM.

2. ANTOINE “TERMINATOR” THIBEAULT-DEFENDING CHAMPION, GREAT CROSS SEASON, TOP SEEDED TIME. THE WIN IS HIS, EXCEPT…

1. JACK “THE SHEIK” SHEFFAR-STONE COLD’S GUT SAYS THAT SHEFFAR IS ON THE VERGE OF HAVING HIS MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH RACE AFTER GRINDING ALL YEAR, AND THAT’S THE BOTTOMLINE, CAUSE STEVE JONES SAYS SO.

WOMEN

3.”THE NATURE GIRL” JULIE-ANNE STAELHI- SHE HAS THE 2ND FASTEST SEED TIME THIS YEAR AND THIS WILL BE HER LAST KICK AT THE USPORTS CAN. AGAIN, IF THIS GOES DOWN AS A GUN TO TAPE RACE, SHE COULD END UP PLACING HIGHER THAN RANKED.

2. “DIAMOND” REGAN YEE- FASTEST SEED TIME IN THE LEAGUE, THIS SEASON HAS BEEN THE “WINTER OF YEE,” BUT THERE IS ONE THING STOPPING HER…

1. “THE GREAT” GABRIELA STAFFORD- SHE MAY BE THE #3 SEED TIME, BUT SHE SHOULD BE THE EASY FAVORITE GOING INTO THIS WEEK WITH THE BEST PB, A MUD HOLE STOMPING KICK AND PLENTY OF CHAMPIONSHIP RACING EXPERIENCE.

JM: Nice...but what about the 1500? There are some pretty decent names in that race.

SCSJ: THESE SHOULD BE SOME DARN GOOD RACES. WRESTLEMANIA MAIN EVENT QUALITY. HECK, MAYBE EVEN ON THE SAME LEVEL AS STONE COLD VS SHAWN MICHAELS AT WRESTLEMANIA 14.

MEN

3. “DESTROYER” DAN GORMAN-HE’S BACK, LIKE WHEN THE ROCK CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO FACE AND BEAT JOHN CENA AT WRESTLEMANIA 29. TOUGH TO CALL THIS ONE THOUGH, AS WE HAVEN’T HAD A TON OF CHANCES TO SEE WHAT KIND OF SHAPE HE TRULY IS IN.

2. JEFF “THE JOURNEYMAN” TWEEDLE- AFTER A DEVASTATING FINISH AND LOSING THE OUA BELT BY LESS THAN A SECOND, TWEEDLE WILL BE LOOKING FOR REDEMPTION, AND TO STUNNER THE FIELD. HE MIGHT JUST BE ABLE TO DO IT WITH HIS SUPERIOR MID-D SPEED.

1. ANTOINE “TERMINATOR” THIBEAULT-THE DEFENDING CHAMPION, AND STONE COLD SUSPECTS THAT WE’LL BE HEARING ABOUT ANTOINE FOR A LONG TIME AFTER HIS LAVAL DAYS ARE DONE. HE’S THAT GOOD.

WOMEN

3. AND 2. THE STAFFORD SISTERS OF DESTRUCTION-REMEMBER THE OUA 1500 SHOWDOWN? EXPECT MORE OF THE SAME FROM GABRIELA AND LUCIA, ALBEIT IN A BIT OF A SLOWER RACE, I THINK.

1.”DIAMOND” REGAN YEE- NEVER OVERLOOK THE WEST. TOP SEED, TOP TALENT.

JM: OK, Stone Cold, what about the 1000?

SCSJ: I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS ONE QUITE A BIT WHILE LOUNGING AROUND MY HOME, THE BROKEN LEG RANCH, AND THIS IS WHAT I’VE COME UP WITH.

MEN

3.NICOLAS “THE MANIAC” MORIN- THE BOYS FROM LAVAL GET OVERLOOKED MORE THAN THEY SHOULD. HE HAS THE FASTEST SEED TIME, BUT HAS NOT BEEN SEEN AS THE FAVORITE. I PREDICT THAT, AT THE VERY LEAST, WE SHOULD GET A PODIUM FINISH OUT OF HIM.

2. COREY “THE CRUSHER” BELLEMORE-WHAT WOULD A 1000M PODIUM BE WITHOUT COREY BELLEMORE? OUA’S WASN’T EXACTLY A DREAM FOR THIS GUY, BUT ANYONE COUNTING BELLEMORE OUT SHOULD TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THIS GUYS RESUME.

1. TOMMY “GUN” LAND- FLAP YOUR GUMS ALL YOU WANT, TOMMY IS A CHAMPIONSHIP RACER, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. HE ALSO LOOKS TO BE IN GREAT SHAPE COMING INTO THIS WEEKEND. EXPECT HIM TO TAKE HOME THE BELT.

WOMEN

3. “KILLER” KATELYN AYERS-AFTER BEING SHUT OUT OF THE OUA 1000 PODIUM, GUELPH WILL BE LOOKING TO GET REVENGE, AND THE KILLER IS IN THE BEST POSITION TO DO SO.

2. “LUCHADOR” LUCIA STAFFORD- MAJOR BREAKOUT SEASON FOR HER. MUCH LIKE THE HART FOUNDATION OF DECADES PAST, THIS FAMILY HAS PRODUCED SOME FAST, BUT ALSO VERY INTELLIGENT RACERS. SHE MIGHT JUST RUN AWAY WITH THE VICTORY.

1. “JUMPING” JENNA WESTAWAY- JUST 22 AND ALREADY SO MUCH INTERNATIONAL EXPERIENCE. COUPLE THAT WITH HER FASTEST SEED TIME IN THE COUNTRY, KILLER 800M SPEED AND IN ALMOST EVERY SITUATION, SHE’S GOT THIS.

AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE…

JM:Yeah, yeah...cause you said so.

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