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U SPORTS PREDICTION CONTEST!
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User since:
Aug 13th, 2017
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Not Trackie said 1 week ago

WeSports XC Prediction Threadski

Yeah, grab the morning newspaper, THROW IT OUT (scratch that, recycle it), and read this.

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  • not-trackie User since:
    Aug 13th, 2017
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    Not Trackie said 1 week ago

    Yeah, holy taco dip, is it championship weekend already? Time to sit on my couch, eat some cheese nips, and dial my head into the analyzer gear. Ready the preddies, these are sure to flap some cheeks.

    WOMEN:

    10) Calgary MF Dinos: Melissa Jonesy is enough to prevent the Dinos from becoming extinct and have them stumble into the top 10 here. WATTA BEAUTY (thumbs up).

    9) Toronto: Predicted them 9th in the pre-season rankings so we’re sticking with it. OUA’s was dirty and this squad came out dressed in concrete jungle Gucci outfits thinking they were from New York City. Did not bode well. I don’t think Rossy Rick will let them ride the purple Lamborghini again though, and it looks like DJ Jazzy Shukla could be turning the tables this weekend. The OUA experience and Shukie will boostie these ladies to 9th. Yikes.

    8) TWU: Wow, people are SLEEPING on the Spartans. Chang, Smart, Sevseks, Shannon, Martens. Team is low key DANK. It’s unbelievable. It’s like watching a unicorn ride a leprechaun while the Easter bunny takes Instagram photos. Yeah, don’t do drugs kids.

    7) Western: Popadich’s back has GOT to be sore from carrying this team all season and she cannot have a bad race if they want to place somewhere around here. Their 5th is Big Sean ft. Drake type wayyyyyyy up there in the score, except that is definitely not a spot to feel blessed in. Did I ever mention how much I hate the name “purple ponies?” Totally irrelevant to this discussion but thought I would fit it in. PURPLE PONIES. 7TH PLACE. WATCH IT.

    MEN:

    13) TWU: Their 5th is trying to write Toy Story 4 I mean he is back there buzzing LIGHT YEARS behind the rest of the squad. He will do just enough for the top 13 finish, although if Carson runs it will probably be 14th and the musty men will go recess mode and slide in here. Hype.

    12) St. Fx: Honestly probably not, it’s just I love how these guys train butt naked in the Gulf of St. Lawrence doing high knees at high tide while high on endorphins. Gillis has definitely embraced the Chisholm way, and these guys are harder than concrete covered jawbreakers. You chew through the cement only to have an entire jawbreaker left. That’s fluffed.

    11) Tronna: LaWAND is acting like a wizard and Rompy Klompy is throwing together a season like a student dinner I mean he’s always been in the cupboards, but somehow he got the ingredients to mesh this time around. He’s gonna have to keep clipping kms like dead toenails if the Tdot homies want to finish this low.

    10) UBC: Yes, Gay is sick, but Dozzi is meh, and Lumb is AWOL. The rest of the team has been underwhelming af. It’s like going to a Leafs game and expecting the atmosphere to be amazing, but it’s really just a bunch of people in suits that really don’t give a shart. We thought UBC was going to be disgusting, but on a scale of 1-eating 4 sticks of butter, they’re only on the level of like, idk, a post iron tablet crap…

    This post was edited by Not Trackie 1 week ago . 
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  • anonymous Anonymous
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    Covenant said 1 week ago

    Quoting: Not Trackie
    "8) TWU: Wow, people are SLEEPING on the Spartans."


    I think you might wanna edit this one. If this is the case, they will be tossed from their school (I've heard they've got a pretty strict policy about this kinda stuff) and won't be able to field a team at all....

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  • not-trackie User since:
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    Not Trackie said 1 week ago

    Whoever pointed out SLEEPING on TWU is forbidden, NICE. Here is the next set of paragraphs that you won’t want to read. Instead scroll through Instagram and watch stupid memes that take no effort to make… I’m so salty

    WOMEN:

    6) UVic: Early season we put pirate legs on this team I mean we had them pegged to cannonball their way onto the podium. Losing Edmonds hurt, running like they actually had peg legs hurt more. I felt bad writing that because these girls are cool, but it worked too well. 6th place.

    5) UBC: In the battle of BC it’s going to be the birds THUNDERING down onto the Viking vessels like a Thor scene out of a marvel movie and just chirping so hard they take over the ships. Mmmmm Thor. Hair so wavy, I wish his body was made of chocolate so I could just take a bite…
    ANYWAY, sources tell me this team is actually savage and will roast you like beef if you even ATTEMPT to front them, so DON’T. Back them. TBIRD girls make up for a shit effort from the TBIRD guys. FIFTH.

    4) Dalhousie: We thought it was bold putting these girls 7th in the preseason. Little did we know they were actually transformer type electric I mean my pair of pants was an item of clothing in disguise until I started seeing some of the results the Tigers were putting up. Now it’s a lightning yellow Chevy Camaro parked RIGHT in their garage. Baby they’re HOT just like an oven and they NEED some lovin’, especially their fifth. Need a big send from her. FOURTH PLACE.

    MEN:

    9) UVIC: With a spread tighter than Mo Ahmed’s ass on a wheel and deal Wednesday this squad has the potential to really turn some heads. It’s gonna be like a tennis match out there when people are just bamboozled by how bunched these kids are. I’m hearing they all sleep in a two-man tent with one sleeping bag. Holy Dutch oven, now that’s what I call team bonding.

    8) Laval: JSD is wetter than a sandbox if a camel’s humps were to just spontaneously erupt in one right now. You know how much water is packed into one of those things? Enough to dry up the freaking deserts. Yeah, this kid has all the shovels and is just building castles on the XC circuit like it’s the medieval times. Too bad his team smells.

    7) Queens: Oh brother, when Queens beat Guelph at OUA the XC universe was shocked harder than a parent picking up their kid right after a stop drop and roll fire drill on the carpet. Nobody knows how to properly pronounce Mitch De Lange’s last name, but he doesn’t care. “Eat dirt,” he says. Then he just straps on his moon boots and rockets down the course with your girl. This team is savage and is out for medals. SEVENTH PLACE.

    This post was edited by Not Trackie 1 week ago . 
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  • anonymous Anonymous
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    MacMaster = 4th said 1 week ago

    I'm having some foresight as to the men's podium predictions.. Could it be in third, the CALGARY DINOS, in second, the CALGARY DINOS, and of course, in first, none other than the very CALGARY DINOS!!!!

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  • not-trackie User since:
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    Not Trackie said 6 days ago

    I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even MATTER unless I hit legal driving vision mode and go 20/20. Here are the top teams.

    WOMEN:

    3) Laval: Their 5th runner just doesn’t do it for me. More bodies can fill that gap at Usports. Lacourse can BE the race, Comeau can blast, and Beachemin can build all the nice roads she wants, but in the end, you need the whole team in the car. Bronze for les girls.

    2) Guelph: DST is craving that Mike’s Lemonade already and if these girls can somehow find a way to win holy strobe light, he’s going to disco like an absolute maniac. I don’t think there is any way that they do, but second should still be pretty satisfying. The Petrick add made them large Dairy Queen blizzard type deep. Udder blasphemy.

    1) Queens: Folks I’m hearing Stevey Boyd is going to run the community race in a speedo with “10” ironed onto one asscheek and “k” ironed on to the other. Then he’s just going to pump up his girls like a bike tire and hope that the Big Macs, Fitzgerald, & Co. will go peloton mode and Tour de France the baguettes out of Usports. How can they lose?

    MEN:

    6) Calgary: YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. THE CALGARY FREAKING NO’S ARE COMING UP SO YOU BETTER GET THIS PARTY STARTED WITH RUSSY PENSOCK, STEFFY DANS, YARMUCH, SAVE 15% OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE GRIECO, ERI CLUTZ, ALEX J---- oh. No Alex James in the starting list? I really had to put my hands on my hips after seeing that. Rip. 6th place.

    5) Guelph: These kids are a bag of skittles. Every time they open up the race from the gun you can taste the freaking rainbow. Holy cow, these guys need a rated R tag above their box when they go sweats off. Black attack will be back but in what pack? Marky mark has funk in the trunk. Shep = brick. Where Ubene? Stealing your girl. Mostafa is just munching on cheese curds, and BORKMAN and KOSH are plowing fields on the farm. These guys are engines. These guys are HOT.

    4) McMaster: What’s a bird’s greatest fear? FOURTH place. SIXTH year in a row for these kids but what can you do? I heard Paula Schnurr has said she will do a swan dive off of the Fort Henry cliff if the Mac Men snag a medal, but it’s not gonna happen. McMaster finishes 4th until the end of time. Even though they are going to beat all of the other teams this year, events are already in motion to shaft them like an elevator scene in an action movie. The medal truck will explode on the way to the course, aliens are going to abduct the trophy, and the banner will get lost in some crusty Quebecer’s beard. No awards for ANYONE this time. DEATH, TAXES, Marauders = Fourth.

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  • mohammed-almond User since:
    Nov 19th, 2016
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    Mohammed Almond said 6 days ago

    Quoting: Not Trackie

    6) Calgary: YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. THE CALGARY FREAKING NO’S ARE COMING UP SO YOU BETTER GET THIS PARTY STARTED WITH RUSSY PENSOCK, STEFFY DANS, YARMUCH, SAVE 15% OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE GRIECO, ERI CLUTZ, ALEX J---- oh. No Alex James in the starting list? I really had to put my hands on my hips after seeing that. Rip. 6th place.


    Where is Alex James? Done for good?

    This post was edited by Mohammed Almond 6 days ago . 
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  • new-post-last-visitanonymous Anonymous
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    GRAMPS said 5 days ago

    Owen Harris is number 1 in our <3's . Walk, trot and haul ass son!

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